Tonight i see people using the infamous #2011RemindedMe hashtag on twitter.
It made me ask myself, what did 2011 remind me? since I'm not the type to tweet about these poopoo things (not because im high and mighty, but simply because there's no s p a c e), I'd rather just write it here.
Fuck the system
HAHHA i know it sounds very radical, but its not. I say this in such a way that this year, I really dove deeper into questioning the world I was born into. My religious beliefs are the biggest casualty - nothing is what it used to be. I realized that no matter how glorious your ideals are, they really need to be grounded into reality.
I put the "fuck" there because Im still young, and I'm a little overwhelmed by all that is offensive in the world. The fairytale curtain of "If we BELIEVE, everything will work out!" *insert mystical rainbow confetti here* has vanished. Now all I see is the clearing after the teargas, the piles of legislation that the government left in abandonment, the diminishing rain forests...I want real solutions, not ideals. I want concrete information, not tidbits of opinion. This year, I abandoned my idols, and I tried to see the message hiding behind the medium. you have to keep asking yourself why. don't settle for "thats just the way it is" otherwise, how can we ever change anything?
even that i question sometimes..can we really change anything anymore? (but more on that in some other blog)
Stop making conclusions
I used to think I was such a smartass back in highschool, cause after each trial I'd be all "oh I learned that bla bla bla" well of course it sounds good on paper to learn something from everything, but I'm just saying that too much analysis can't be good. Sometimes you just have to let go, let it be. Yes you learned, but the lesson is still in progress. if you dwell too much on the previous chapter, you might miss out on the next.
In movies you always have that "oh this is why in the beginning batman told robin that he loved him" like theres a resolve or something..and somehow with every chapter of life, youre expecting that grand moment where you connect the dots.
but you cant always expect that from life. things dont always make sense right when you want them to. sometimes you need more clues. or sometimes thats all there is to it and youre just making a big deal out of nothing. stop explaining to yourself or anyone. relax. sit there with a blank stare. empty your cup.
let the unknown keeps its mystery and beauty.
Youre not perfect!
and no, youre not "perfectly imperfect" (tumblr BLEUGH!) either. sometimes you're a mess. sometimes youre just plain DISGUSTING, sometimes you say something stupid or wear something weird or are just plain wrong. and thats it. I have no redeeming thing to make you feel better either. (like youre gross, but who isn't?) because really some people are born with that "swag". some aren't. and its okay. everything will be okay forever.
and FINALLY...
listen to your GUTS
nothing outside can beat whats rumbling in your gut. if you need to use the bathroom, use it. if you need to say something to someone, say it. if you feel like shutting up, then shut up. I always used to think "oh I dont want to make the other person feel bad" or "maybe I can just psyche myself out of this" no. if you look within you will find what you seek. there is no academic certificate, no grade, no better advice then that which pulls from your gut.
thats it.
well theres more but I can't really put everything here. (oooh! mystery! NAT)
well theres more but I can't really put everything here. (oooh! mystery! NAT)
SUMMARY FOR THE LAZY READER:
2011 wasn't the year for sappy realizations of "Im a strong capable woman!" or "I can achieve my dreams if I just be myself" DEINS. 2011 slapped me on the face. hard. then after it gave me a big warm hug as if to say "cut the crap gen, be a kid."
so thanks 2011! I was very much happy to have known you.
You deleted your "sorry to disenchant you" post? Well I was able to read anyway, still. :)) I was about to comment here that I like the way you think maybe because we think alike sometimes, sort of, but I let it pass, until I read your "sorry to disenchant you" post. I've always wanted to commend you for being able to write these things down because I couldn't. I'd have a "sorry to disenchant you" post by now but the kind of entries worthy of such, I never posted them. Not in a frustrated writer kind of way but because I'm a frustrated thinker. The reason I'm not able to write anything is 'cause when I do, my thoughts get lost in the way and they sort of lose their honesty. Kaya pala this sounds familiar is 'cause you mentioned something like this in your last entry, which makes this comment irrelevant to this entry. Sorry for blabbing, it's 2 AM. I may regret this in the morning. :))
ReplyDeleteokay im confused but aaw renzo thank you! :)) this made my night! (and day) you should write! I really want to read your stuff! im sure it will be interesting.. :) i guess i made that disenchantment post because im a little insecure about what i say..pero wala na eh, its been written. no regrets just love :)))
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this. :) Lately I've also been realizing that a lot of things that we are told to believe in aren't true, and that the world may be worse than you think (though I've found there are still beautiful things that can surprise you). It's not a damn happily-ever-after fairly tale. Shit happens. As for making conclusions and gut feelings, I agree and there is scientific evidence for why letting go and trusting your instincts are right. The subconscious calculator in your brain evolved as a means of survival back in the jungle days of humans. It's still there and for good purpose. I read a lot about it on "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell.
ReplyDeleteThis entry really reflects a lot of what I've been thinking about. The world as I see it is really shifting from this rainbow paradise to this battlefield we have to face soon. I guess when our time to shine finally comes, it won't be pretty, but whatever arrows we have with us, we'll just have to shoot them the best we can even if they aren't all straight. None of us are perfect, yes. But we'll just all have to try to be the best that we can be and do the best we can do because that's the highest achievement that we can really do in this life.
hey gino! thanks for reading! (now i wanna read blink) everything you said is so true. theres definitely something worth while in trying despite the many turbulent situations.
ReplyDelete