today

Hold me close and Hold me Fast, The Magic Spell you Cast. 

this song has been in my head all day. 

Hello

           Today someone messaged me on Tumblr that they followed this blog because they enjoyed what it was that I wrote. to that kind soul who messaged me, thank you! This entry is dedicated to you. because Im just so jolly like that. Its like when youre a kid and someone gives you a stamp for your pictures.. and you just want to keep coloring even if your crayons broken in half!

         I've wanted to write about so many things. Lately I've been head over heels with my Philosophy class. We learn about Plato and the Truth of life. (thats Truth with a capital T!) Sometimes I wanted to write about being Lasallian, all the things that I've realized in the spirit of the centennial celebration. Then there are times when I just want to lash out about all the things I dont understand - from why people misuse the purpose of political parties to dating and relationships. Sometimes I want to write about this society and why its so full of septic pus. When these thoughts come in my head all I can think about is "wow I need to put this somewhere" but theres always a moment's hesitation, always an excuse to delay your words. Maybe Im in the mood to write now cause I realized someone might be reading. that's kind of dumb though isn't it? Its like I just want the attention. I dont know..maybe I am pretty pathetic like that. or maybe this is just what Ive needed all this time. Maybe I just needed a little reminding. 

Anyway, one day I will write about all those things I mentioned above - but I dont want to force it. The rain is trickling outside and Im just lying down listening to the quiet. I'm going to write about writing. 

 whenever I write or draw, it's like a dream for me. I feel so limited with how I can express myself. Each time I feel like describing something, I find that the very words I use to describe that something actually changes that something itself. I say its like a dream because that's the only thing I can liken it to. Its when you fall asleep for a long time, and you see strange images in your sleep. Then you wake up and try to explain it to someone, but you find that as you explain, the dream gets farther and farther away. Before you know it, you remember it in a completely different way. 

So there are some things in my mind that I dont want to write or talk about, because I find that its so good that you just don't ever want it to change. How you see it, Its perfect. on the other hand, there are times when you write and it actually makes that thing you're looking at even more wonderful. Isn't that just lovely? that it can go both ways? writing in itself can be limiting and infinite. You think you're the one who's taking your reader somewhere else, but who are you kidding? Writing is what takes YOU somewhere else, and even if someone reads your work, they'll never understand it the same way you did. They'll never go the same places you did, It can never feel the same exact way for two different people because people have different experiences and perceptions. Its a world of a thousand paths to a billion places all in your mind. 

So no wonder you find the book better than the movie. can you just picture how Hogwarts was imagined by all the people who had ever read Harry Potter? that's a lot of versions of Hogwarts(es) - thats a whole galaxy of them. I find that beautiful and wonderful. Truth with a capital T!

I guess what Im saying is that its just something that makes me happy. It makes me happy because anyone can do it. It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, you can always take your mind to a different place. You can always think a happy thought, and you can put that thought somewhere. Whether it be paper, or a leaf, or gourmet cooking. There's always something more than whats on the surface, always something more than meets the eye. 

I dont know where you end up when you read this, but I hope you end up somewhere worth while. 

Heaven and Hell

heres a good ol zen story about Heaven and Hell. One day there was a man who was permitted to see heaven and hell by the gods. In hell, he saw people sitting around a round table.  they sat 7 feet apart, 7 feet across. they were on stools 7 feet high and ate with chopsticks 7 feet long. they couldn't place the food into their mouths (and the food was really a feast!) because their arms are, of course, not long enough (who has 7 ft long arms!?) The people in hell were miserable. it was torture to be so close and yet so far to a sumptuous meal. (they could never leave the stools) The man was very sad when he saw this. After that, the gods took him to heaven. In heaven, the man saw that it was exactly the same situation - except everyone was happy and well fed. how could this be?

The answer to the riddle is that in HEAVEN, people fed each other. :) 

I think this is the best illustration I could ever find about heaven. Sometimes Hell can be a place we're in because we just can't see the way out. That place of fire and brimstone, maybe that isn't something to be taken literally (I sure hope not!). without compassion, how can we ever find understanding? I think thats the worst thing. When your own perspective is just limited to your own motives. "I only wish to know you, so that I can use you" Isn't it a hell in itself to see people that way? it seems like something that can trap you. how will you know when to stop? You'll feel hopeless that things never go your way. You'll keep trying, but its a pointless struggle. Dont you ever feel like you just need to let go? who ever said that your way was the only way to go through with it? this was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I feel like you really grow once you do. 

I think when we empty ourselves of things like the desire for position, the desire to prove something, the desire to be the first and only, I think thats when you can really start to see the beautiful things in life. Sometimes we (myself included) can really lose our way. We always see what we want to happen for ourselves, instead of considering the needs of others.



I have a favorite line from Plato about this:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"

I love this line because its simple and yet so true. humbling in every sense. We all have needs, dreams and hopes. We all hurt and experience hardships, maybe of different kinds, but human suffering is universal. We all bleed, we all feel. We were all children once.

like a forest who's trees connect through the roots underground: there is a bigger picture. Hell can be us when we focus on ourselves, and how we'll never be enough (I mean with the shallow standards of society, who is enough nowadays?) and it will be a pointless cycle of struggle. Plus when you dont understand, you hurt others as well. You cause suffering, which in my juvenile experience will only come back to you.

Understanding breeds inner-peace. You dont need to keep yakking on your high chair. people putting people in boxes, giving each other labels; sometimes all that another person needs is for someone to listen. after all, Dont we all have our own story to tell? it sucks when someone just places you as either black or white. Ive been at the wrong side before. who hasn't? who am i to judge you?

pandas are both black and white. yehey! 

 people can't be categorized like socks. what a way to undermine the beauty of humanity @-) when you really look into it, its a wonderful thing to just empathize with another person. To just shut up and understand. Like the people from the story, heaven is a place where people know how to share. share kindness and understanding :) have another dumpling from my 7ft. long chopstick, I know youve been huuuuuuuuungry! 

its just a happy thought today. I dont even know if this completely makes sense :))  anywho I hope you get to find that little piece of heaven!