existentialism and "The one that got away"

           Today Katy Perry's video "the one that got away" premiered online. The song is about how you make promises to a person about forever and the like, but it never really works out. Or in katy's case, the guy (played by Diego Luna I LOVE HIM) just met an accident..Oh shes so dramatic! hahhaa but anyway it IS a pretty sad story. That and finally looking up the lyrics of "dreams" by fleetwood mac gave me a morning filled with many forms of wondering about what could have been. 

"Like a heartbeat that drives you mad, in the stillness of remembering"

           I'm not really talking about anything or anyone in particular (scandalous!), but its just the general feeling of being nostalgic. I mean Its not like I'm this rock who doesn't feel these things. I think everyone more or less wonders into these bitter-sweet memories once in a while. 

          but then it hit me, thinking about what could have been is to put yourself into a corner. 

There is no such thing. "what could have been" is a myth.

           I genuinely believe that if you really want something, then there is no fear, only certainty. When you know something to be so true then you would fight for it no matter what - it wouldn't make you sad, but happy to even try. There is no "what could have been" because if its not happening, then it shouldn't be happening. If you're allowing your fear or whatever to stop you from getting into something, then maybe its just not the right thing. 

          Everyone glamorizes us into thinking that relationships are supposed to hurt. so when it does hurt us too much, were killing ourselves over it but enduring it anyway because we think its part of the program. So when we look back, we think to ourselves "oh god it was so good even with all the bad stuff." but if that were the case, then why is it different now? if youre really dreaming of what could have been, and you want it so badly, then you should just make it happen. If you know its a risk worth taking, then take it!

          otherwise, we can't really complain (unless you know, god forbid the person just dies like in Titanic). Its just life running its course. It doesn't always go our way and thats okay. But we are capable of trying to change it, and if we (or the person in question) won't even try, then maybe its just not worth changing. and thats okay too. so all ya'll young ladies out there who are getting emotional with the song, CHEEEL! (easier said than done, but really there is nothing more pointless)

       PS

          Just a random thing to add, In Katy Perry's video, I really felt bad for the guy who she grew old with - the one she didnt seem to love. I mean if youre dreaming about someone who's gone, then why leach unto someone else and make them believe that theyre the one in your heart? Shit, Katy. just cause youre hurting doesn't give you the right to hurt the one's around you. or maybe she married him for money or something. UGH WHATEVER why am i even thinking about this :)) 

        i just wanted to put it here.. I mean thats life for you. now go and love the world!!! 

use the horse!

I'm writing this because starwars is the cool thing to like. I see it on 9gag, tumblr, etc. People are talking about the places, the characters, and their eyes light up like its so wonderful to recall those things - and it is. But I don't just love starwars for that. Some people just try to know it because its cool and they want to be weird or quirky or whatever..I don't know.

No, I dont know everything about Starwars. I don't know about the outer universe and I dont memorize every place in the saga (i just know the basics: Tatooine, Hoth, Naboo, etc) I'm not a fangirl who would memorize every Jedi in the movie. Though I know that would be cool as hell, I don't think that that's the kind of qualification to say that youre really a fan. (if it is then youre just making it this exclusive whatever thing - you hipster.)

I write this because every time I sincerely ask a person if they like starwars, I often get a reply like "oh do you know the *INSERT A-PLACE-YOU-OBVIOUSLY-DON'T-KNOW-BUT-I'LL-SAY-IT-BECAUSE-I'M-OUT-THERE planet*"then I get a shun because I don't know it. sigh. this is why sometimes I just want to shut up about it, even though I feel like screaming from the mountain tops how amazing I think the whole thing is.

a love for star wars, just like a love for other things, is subjective. and maybe I'm not as cool as all the other fans out there, but I really do love starwars. So now I just want to write about it.

 The first one's I saw were the prequels and not the original trilogy..but it was fucking amazing. I loved every minute of it. Even part one, when I was anakin's age and all I could think about was how cool it was to race the way he did. And then in part 2 he fell in love, and I thought to myself because I was a little girl, "one day I'm going to marry anakin skywalker"

I even marked how tall he was on my wall, so I could mark my growth and pray it would match his in those weird couplely ways. (I know its very durpina of me, but what the hell) to me he was so real! and it wasn't the actor I loved, but the character. I remember even reading some stuff about him, he was my first love. To top it off,  I wanted the world to change into that parellel universe, I wanted it so badly. I used to collect the KFC mugs and buckets, trying to copy the characters on them. I played frisbee using the lid of the KFC bucket - just because it had starwars slapped across it. I didn't care. I found random sticks in the park and used them as light sabers. I'd talk to myself using that ethereal jedi voice. I'd dream about it - even until today.

then I got surprised because I grew up and found the internet. then I went to online forums about starwars, and I saw how many people were saying that the prequels sucked. I was a bit saddened by it because thats starwars for my generation. I saw them first not because I chose to, but just because I just wasn't exposed to the first ones. So part I, II and III came. and I was thinking "oh why was this here?" "why is this a big deal?"

and then I saw the original Star Wars. A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi.

I was amazed. even though the effects were outdated, it still spoke to me. I saw the originals when I was already in highschool, but it still took me away. I fell even more in love with the story. And the genius behind it, how it was so ahead of its time, was beautiful. I saw it again and again. Soon after I saw the prequels again, and I actually teared up a bit. The story was so true and so real. I love starwars that I wouldn't care if they showed the damn thing using sock puppets - there's just a message behind it that you just can't help but want to escape into.

People complain about technicalities, how the dvd edition has many new digital changes that they don't like, how the original is better...but come on, star wars was never about those things.

for me, the prequels were a tribute to the original. it was never made to compete, but to compliment. If the prequels weren't good, then I wouldn't have been so curious about the originals - it anchored me back. Now I know it, and my life just feels different each time I think about it. (and if you say that I dont know what I'm talking about then funk you you filthy adult! I was a kid and kids always know best!)

 The point is, star wars will always be there. It's a story of redemption, return, victory, love, and so many other things. I love it just the way it is, for all that it is (even the things people criticize about it) because you know why? It's a story worth knowing. Its a warmth worth carrying into our own galaxy, not so far away. If each person who's ever seen starwars would apply the love from the movie in real life, and not just the merchandise, then I truly believe the world would be a better place - then we wouldn't have to wish for it to be real because it's always been real. the force has always been amongst us.

that's it for my two cents.

now to lighten up the mood!

watch this video! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eCSHJINqCo

If not now, when?

Now I know,

 all I've ever been trying to be, 

all that I've ever wanted, 

was to just be a kid again. 

Pure, Curious, Free.

As a kid, I never needed anything to be happy. 

I never relied on the company of anyone. 

I never expected anything from the world 

except that it be the home of other people 

who just want to be kids as well. 

Society is wrong. 

all you ever needed to be happy has always been within you.

 everything else is just good marketing

 - when people make you want things you dont really need.

I love being a kid!! :)

just humming a song under the giant sky

so small compared to everything else,

but dreaming of the day when 

you can change the things

 that they told you couldn't be changed

anymore. 

when I wake up in the morning, love

This afternoon I went for a walk to finish my photo assignment. My assignment was about motion, and while I was just experimenting with the settings, I ended up taking this picture of a tree.

 I feel so small each time I look at this! I love how the sunlight shined through the leaves like the tree was posing for me. this really made my day :)

The Dreamers

"When your'e supposed to be careful you never are. 

When its time for you to be care-free, you hold back"

Future Sounds

I think once in a while its pretty healthy to write about things you're looking forward to when it comes to the future. I look at all the crappy schoolwork I have waiting for me at home. Thinking about all the things I want to do in the not-so distant (I say not-so distant because life is short) future - and its the only motivation that gets me to sit down and fight through all the school work.

This term Ive been learning how to layout magazines or newsletters. (maybe I can post some here when I'm done!) Last term we learned about film. I really like my course. I like what I'm learning. with that said, I really need to focus on finding where it is my course will lead me. Communication Arts has a lot of tracks.

I look at all the billboards in the expressway and I realize that I dont really want to do advertising or marketing. I mean I'm sure theres fulfillment to be found in that line of work, but I think I'd rather try out a career in photo journalism or writing. Maybe thats just me. When I think about success all I could picture is just a lot of things I want to create. I want to write a novel, I want to fall into my art, I want to dive into philosophy, I never want to stop learning. Yet all the things I want are pretty risky - Its not really the formula for a stable and safe career, but this post isn't about that.

If we're talking about just pure "hey gen, so where are you going with all of this?" thats the only thought that gets me excited. The thought of creating something, the thought of breaking away. I feel like I have so much to translate and express that I just dont want to die without even trying. I get excited when I'm in a creative environment. I get excited when you have a problem that only creativity or imagination can solve.

I want to learn so much about the world, the whole world. I look out into the sky and I find myself smiling inside thinking that its the same sky that wraps around us all. How under that same sky there are people who are hungry, people who are greedy, people who are in love, people who are praying, trees growing, waves rippling, grounds quaking, tides breaking, etc etc.    

when i feel this way, I just cant help but feel so driven and so inspired. I dont even think about having a family and kids or whatever (but i think were too young for that anyway). All I want now when I think of the future is to just be in it. Completely there and feeling completely alive because I'm doing something I love or creating something worth while. I hope I end up fighting for all the things I believe in, and fighting against all the things that make this world an ugly place. I never want to encourage violence, insensitivity, vanity. I guess you could say I have a lot of ideals. I hope I can find a way to frame them into reality.

beh

I feel so bombarded by social networking sites. I don't like staying on them too long because its tiring and unreal. We choose profile pictures or statuses as if it will define us or show the world who we truly are, but if you think about it, it never really matters. These sites are just white screens where we can rub off our projections. You think you can know a person through this projection. You look at their wall, you judge their pictures, but in the end that isn't really who that person is. We've turned into a pretty obsessive bunch of folk - watching each other with telescope computer screens.

20 years ago, people would never limit themselves this way. So many people want a million likes. Not all do, but I'm just saying for some - and its sad because its this whole new platform for people to be insecure or arrogant or whatever. and whats the worst part? its not even real. You think this is your social life, but really theres nothing life-like about it.

 It's funny because this is supposed to make us more connected - this was the whole point of the information age. Yet I dont know. I think were all lonelier than we've ever been. We seldom bother getting to know a person more than what we can pick up in their pages. Deep conversation was the information age's biggest casualty. why bother when everything is already public. All the "information" you need is there. Everyone is airing out their dirty laundry. yum.

 But it does have its uses: school work and the like. Still, there are some things you wish you didn't have access to anymore. so easily, so instantly.

Everything is just too fast, and yet nothing is happening. Why do we try to swim deep in a pool so shallow? These are just some of the things that make me wish I was born in a different era.