The morning after

I think part of growing up is really seeing different people get drunk, smoke, and just make complete idiots of themselves. I say seeing and not being because not everyone has to experience getting drunk in order to "grow up"(well thats in my opinion) - The truth is you just see it. whether you take part of it or not, thats up to you.

This entry is about the people who cross the line from just seeing to being. I write this because its taboo, and people can discriminate or worry about being discriminated.  I write this because my friend apologized to me for being drunk during my birthday.

The thing is, Sometimes I just lose control and I go to sleep and I wake up feeling like a complete dumb ass the next day. and more often than not, I probably was acting like one. So I'd feel ashamed. I don't think I'm the only one who's ever felt this way. I know so many people who talk to me about feeling regret, being beaten up and stuff. They feel sad with themselves the whole day/week after. I used to be that way, but after some time I realized how wrong that is. I think thats even more wrong than getting wasted and being a complete fool.

why? because being intoxicated and acting funny happens. It happens to many people - Hell, just cause you were an idiot for one night doesn't make you completely worthless. I wish I could tell people "It's okay, it happens" sometimes you just need someone to tell you that.

Sometimes you hold back or feel ashamed because you don't want to be labeled as something negative. But the thing is, the people who use these labels, maybe they just know one aspect of your life. They don't know the whole picture. you are the only one who knows the whole picture. You already know it, so don't beat yourself up. the world is already doing much of that without your help.

 one day I know I'm just going to be old and wrinkly, probably knitting or something, and I know I would just remember it and be happy. I'm not going to remember all my worries, I'm just going to remember being young, and making the most of it. We should all make the most of it. 

just to add to that, this entry isn't about being a shameless drunk. making the most out of it doesn't automatically mean going to wild parties. It could be THAT, and it could be other things as well. collecting socks, playing tetris, grooming your dog..


To each, his own.

whatever your thing is, as long as you dont hurt anyone, never apologize for having a good time. Allow yourself to be happy! and if you have regrets, than just let it go and don't do it again.

Sometimes I lose my balance - but its okay. I'll read a book, have some tea, take a walk, or spend time with my family.Theres always something you can do. Don't mind what people say, because in the long run you'll be fine. You'll be good.

so to my friend who texted me, don't be sorry! :)

a poem I fancy

We live by the sun, We feel by the moon, We move by the stars,

We live in all things, All things live in us,

We eat from the earth, We drink from the rain, We breathe of the air,

We live in all things, All things live in us,

We call to each other, We listen to each other, Our hearts deepen with love and compassion,

We live in all things, All things live in us,

We depend on the trees and animals, We depend on the earth, Our minds open with wisdom and insight,

We live in all things, All things live in us,

We dedicated our practice to others, We include all forms of life, We celebrate the joy of living-dying,

We live in all things, All things live in us,

We are full of life, We are full of death, 


We are grateful for all beings and companions.

-Stephanie Kaza, Green Gulch Farm

Morning light

I'm sure each person in the world has a picture or two that they've fallen in love with. Or maybe it was a song, or a speech, or a garden layout - either way, Pablo Picasso was right. "Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up"

i love art. I think its beautiful how art is just pure expression. Art is taking something directly from what you have inside you, and transferring it into something that can be seen, touch, tasted, smelt, or heard. You are making something internal, available externally. I think anyone can be an artist - you just have to look within. I truly believe thats where genuine art comes from, within. and when you see someone else do it, it just completely takes you away. Art takes you to another place. 

And it doesn't matter what it is, as long as YOU yourself are completely present as you do so. It isn't about impressing people. (off topic- this is why people have to stop using the argument that Mideo's artwork "isn't appropriate to society" - he didn't do it for society in the first place) do it because its real for you. when we were children, we never cared about how it would look to other people. We just did it for playtime, for fun. When people grow older, everything changes. Don't worry about technique. If its good enough for you, then its good. period :) 

Thats why I have a deep respect for every person I meet. Even those who challenge us were children once, and when I remember this I just feel completely in awe at how each person can be different, but real all the same. Even those who pretend, deep inside there's always a reason that they do so. I strongly believe that each person has a beautiful story to tell - sometimes they just need a little reminding. 

sometimes, I need it to. 

This is mainly where I draw inspiration from - approaching things with an open child-like curiosity.  "Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up"

because in truth if we take away all our labels, our job descriptions, our titles and such, In the end were all just children - so forget those things. Live as if the world were your canvas. We are all artists. and i see it in you and it makes me want to be one even more. 

a few of my favorite contemporary artists (from top: ilovedust, tsuneo sanda, craig thompson, brandon boyd, jason confessor [MY BROTHER!! :D] and banksy)


with that said, I hope you embrace your inner child. grab the crayon and go crazy! :)

Fighting fire with fire

             I used to be a fiery creature.

             It used to be that when I knew something wasn't right, I'd confront that person with what I thought was a strong statement. If I was misunderstood, I'd march over to that person and set things straight. More recently, if it was a facebook status that I thought wasn't it the right place, I'd answer it. It wasn't always that I was angry. In truth I would do it because some things would just set me off. Some things can hurt - maybe its a defense mechanism. Well anyway I just wanted to put that here because its something I've learned ever so recently. Because I asked myself, "I know its right to fight for something you believe in, but is it always right to fight fire with fire?"

      

             I am an LA rep in DLSU. LA rep means Legislative Assembly Representative. We talk about laws, and as much as I hate having to resort to very heated (sometimes unnecessary) arguments and tactics, it's part of the job. and if theres anything you should know about me, I take the job very seriously. I always want to be a better LA rep because theres something MORE that needs to be done. Recently I've just been trying to change the way I would approach a certain controversial topic. When you're in an LA session with people who think differently, and you need to articulate your beliefs, the worst thing you can do is  lose yourself.  I myself admit to conduct that I'm not very proud of - and its only recently that I've realized that I have a long way to go in terms of being the ideal LA rep I'd like to be. then I realized its not just being an ideal LA rep, but even as a person - there are many things I want to change. So I'll start with myself. 

  

           My father is a lawyer, and when I told him my problem he gave me one advice: "mapikon ka, talo ka na" which I pondered on for a bit, and I realized the wisdom behind such a statement. I realized it with shame, because thats what I had been doing for some time. Fighting fire with fire may get you somewhere, but it takes strength to take such fire, and turn it into something less wreckless. Something more constructive, and in the long run I believe, something more effective. 

       I dont mean that one should no longer be actively fighting for one's beliefs. Its just that our own perception may be limited - we should be open and get to know the perception of even those who challenge our ideas. Understand where they are coming from. Only then, can you arrive at a better stand. Cooperation before controversy. Anger that translates into passion? yes, but in the proper way. In the proper time and place. 

      

     So last year there was a video of how the ombudsman purposely didn't count the votes of some people involved in the Legislative body in our very own government.  The people were outraged and started expressing their anger - a natural reaction. However the ombudsman didnt pay any attention to their cries. (stupid crap) but does that mean that the people fighting against him should go in a corner and sulk? does that mean they should post a status on facebook saying "Stupid ombudsman! stepping on my rights!" no. What it means is "lets try another way". Something constructive - Say, publicizing the video of him committing such an act. No matter how you turn it around, there are ways for the public to know. The truth will always prevail.

"Best way to clear the air is to have it all out in the open"

- Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)

       [ With that said I really hope more people would attend the LA sessions. Because if you hear it from another person, it can always get twisted. Even if you hear it from me, I can always unconsciously dump my biases there. Please if you're a student and your'e reading this, please attend the LA session. (Wednesday 2:30pm USG conference room)]

and to continue..

      I love how socrates challenged the sophists. what he did was that he would question them endlessly, never resulting to anger which the sophists always resorted to. Fiery rhetoric can never substitute genuine wisdom. I can be the most boring speaker on the planet, even the most afraid. Yet when you really ponder and approach something with wisdom and humility (I know that I do not know), not anger; you have so much more than even the greatest lawyers of the world. Not lashing out doesn't mean you're not courageous. Being silent doesn't mean your'e idle. Gandhi himself did not have a very BIG personality - yet hes not only one of the greatest lawyers who have ever walked this earth, but one the greatest human beings as well.

      So ever since, I've really tried to change. There are many things online (statuses that people post, etc etc) that I would, If it were the old me, love to answer to and just write a lengthy reply to. But I dont think it will lead me anywhere. It can just make things bigger. I know it will be harder not to result to impulse, not to approach an issue with fire, not to be "pikon", but its truly worth a shot.

today

Hold me close and Hold me Fast, The Magic Spell you Cast. 

this song has been in my head all day. 

Hello

           Today someone messaged me on Tumblr that they followed this blog because they enjoyed what it was that I wrote. to that kind soul who messaged me, thank you! This entry is dedicated to you. because Im just so jolly like that. Its like when youre a kid and someone gives you a stamp for your pictures.. and you just want to keep coloring even if your crayons broken in half!

         I've wanted to write about so many things. Lately I've been head over heels with my Philosophy class. We learn about Plato and the Truth of life. (thats Truth with a capital T!) Sometimes I wanted to write about being Lasallian, all the things that I've realized in the spirit of the centennial celebration. Then there are times when I just want to lash out about all the things I dont understand - from why people misuse the purpose of political parties to dating and relationships. Sometimes I want to write about this society and why its so full of septic pus. When these thoughts come in my head all I can think about is "wow I need to put this somewhere" but theres always a moment's hesitation, always an excuse to delay your words. Maybe Im in the mood to write now cause I realized someone might be reading. that's kind of dumb though isn't it? Its like I just want the attention. I dont know..maybe I am pretty pathetic like that. or maybe this is just what Ive needed all this time. Maybe I just needed a little reminding. 

Anyway, one day I will write about all those things I mentioned above - but I dont want to force it. The rain is trickling outside and Im just lying down listening to the quiet. I'm going to write about writing. 

 whenever I write or draw, it's like a dream for me. I feel so limited with how I can express myself. Each time I feel like describing something, I find that the very words I use to describe that something actually changes that something itself. I say its like a dream because that's the only thing I can liken it to. Its when you fall asleep for a long time, and you see strange images in your sleep. Then you wake up and try to explain it to someone, but you find that as you explain, the dream gets farther and farther away. Before you know it, you remember it in a completely different way. 

So there are some things in my mind that I dont want to write or talk about, because I find that its so good that you just don't ever want it to change. How you see it, Its perfect. on the other hand, there are times when you write and it actually makes that thing you're looking at even more wonderful. Isn't that just lovely? that it can go both ways? writing in itself can be limiting and infinite. You think you're the one who's taking your reader somewhere else, but who are you kidding? Writing is what takes YOU somewhere else, and even if someone reads your work, they'll never understand it the same way you did. They'll never go the same places you did, It can never feel the same exact way for two different people because people have different experiences and perceptions. Its a world of a thousand paths to a billion places all in your mind. 

So no wonder you find the book better than the movie. can you just picture how Hogwarts was imagined by all the people who had ever read Harry Potter? that's a lot of versions of Hogwarts(es) - thats a whole galaxy of them. I find that beautiful and wonderful. Truth with a capital T!

I guess what Im saying is that its just something that makes me happy. It makes me happy because anyone can do it. It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, you can always take your mind to a different place. You can always think a happy thought, and you can put that thought somewhere. Whether it be paper, or a leaf, or gourmet cooking. There's always something more than whats on the surface, always something more than meets the eye. 

I dont know where you end up when you read this, but I hope you end up somewhere worth while. 

Heaven and Hell

heres a good ol zen story about Heaven and Hell. One day there was a man who was permitted to see heaven and hell by the gods. In hell, he saw people sitting around a round table.  they sat 7 feet apart, 7 feet across. they were on stools 7 feet high and ate with chopsticks 7 feet long. they couldn't place the food into their mouths (and the food was really a feast!) because their arms are, of course, not long enough (who has 7 ft long arms!?) The people in hell were miserable. it was torture to be so close and yet so far to a sumptuous meal. (they could never leave the stools) The man was very sad when he saw this. After that, the gods took him to heaven. In heaven, the man saw that it was exactly the same situation - except everyone was happy and well fed. how could this be?

The answer to the riddle is that in HEAVEN, people fed each other. :) 

I think this is the best illustration I could ever find about heaven. Sometimes Hell can be a place we're in because we just can't see the way out. That place of fire and brimstone, maybe that isn't something to be taken literally (I sure hope not!). without compassion, how can we ever find understanding? I think thats the worst thing. When your own perspective is just limited to your own motives. "I only wish to know you, so that I can use you" Isn't it a hell in itself to see people that way? it seems like something that can trap you. how will you know when to stop? You'll feel hopeless that things never go your way. You'll keep trying, but its a pointless struggle. Dont you ever feel like you just need to let go? who ever said that your way was the only way to go through with it? this was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I feel like you really grow once you do. 

I think when we empty ourselves of things like the desire for position, the desire to prove something, the desire to be the first and only, I think thats when you can really start to see the beautiful things in life. Sometimes we (myself included) can really lose our way. We always see what we want to happen for ourselves, instead of considering the needs of others.



I have a favorite line from Plato about this:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"

I love this line because its simple and yet so true. humbling in every sense. We all have needs, dreams and hopes. We all hurt and experience hardships, maybe of different kinds, but human suffering is universal. We all bleed, we all feel. We were all children once.

like a forest who's trees connect through the roots underground: there is a bigger picture. Hell can be us when we focus on ourselves, and how we'll never be enough (I mean with the shallow standards of society, who is enough nowadays?) and it will be a pointless cycle of struggle. Plus when you dont understand, you hurt others as well. You cause suffering, which in my juvenile experience will only come back to you.

Understanding breeds inner-peace. You dont need to keep yakking on your high chair. people putting people in boxes, giving each other labels; sometimes all that another person needs is for someone to listen. after all, Dont we all have our own story to tell? it sucks when someone just places you as either black or white. Ive been at the wrong side before. who hasn't? who am i to judge you?

pandas are both black and white. yehey! 

 people can't be categorized like socks. what a way to undermine the beauty of humanity @-) when you really look into it, its a wonderful thing to just empathize with another person. To just shut up and understand. Like the people from the story, heaven is a place where people know how to share. share kindness and understanding :) have another dumpling from my 7ft. long chopstick, I know youve been huuuuuuuuungry! 

its just a happy thought today. I dont even know if this completely makes sense :))  anywho I hope you get to find that little piece of heaven!